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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Restroom comedy has always been the reliable retreat in everyday journalism, and writers stay alert to significant toilet tales and historic moments, especially in relation to football. Readers were entertained to learn that Big Website columnist a famous broadcaster has a West Brom-themed urinal at his home. Spare a thought about the Tykes follower who understood the bathroom a little too literally, and needed rescuing from the vacant Barnsley ground following dozing off in the toilet midway through a 2015 losing match versus the Cod Army. “His footwear was missing and had lost his mobile phone and his hat,” elaborated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And who can forget during his peak popularity playing for City, Mario Balotelli popped into a local college to access the restrooms back in 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then came in and was asking the location of the toilets, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a student told a Manchester newspaper. “After that he was just walking through the school as if he owned it.”

The Restroom Quitting

Tuesday represents 25 years since Kevin Keegan stepped down as England manager post a quick discussion in a toilet cubicle together with Football Association official David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, after the notorious 1-0 loss by Germany in 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the famous old stadium. As Davies remembers in his diary, his confidential FA records, he had entered the sodden beleaguered England dressing room right after the game, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams “fired up”, both players begging for the director to convince Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a blank expression, and Davies found him slumped – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – within the changing area's edge, saying quietly: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Stopping Keegan, Davies worked frantically to save the circumstance.

“Where on earth could we find for a private conversation?” remembered Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Just a single choice remained. The lavatory booths. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history happened in the old toilets of a venue scheduled for destruction. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I closed the door after us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I can’t motivate the players. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Aftermath

Consequently, Keegan quit, later admitting that he had found his stint as England manager “without spirit”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I began working with the visually impaired team, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It’s a very difficult job.” English football has come a long way in the quarter of a century since. Regardless of improvement or decline, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers have long disappeared, while a German now sits in the dugout where Keegan once perched. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

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Today's Statement

“We remained in an extended queue, clad merely in our briefs. We were the continent's finest referees, top sportspeople, examples, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We barely looked at each other, our gazes flickered a bit nervously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with a freezing stare. Mute and attentive” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures referees were previously subjected to by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“What does a name matter? A Dr Seuss verse exists called ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to oversee the primary team. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and distributed some merchandise, I've opted to write and offer a concise remark. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the schoolyard with youngsters he anticipated would defeat him. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his decision to join Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|